Trump Opposes Mexican Wolf Re-introduction In Southwestern US

Donald Trump called for a ban on Mexican wolf re-introduction programs that have been in place for decades, programs aimed at restoring the wolf to it’s historical place in the southwestern US’s ecosystem.

An Arizona rancher captured this Mexican wolf which was raising a family on public lands near his property.
An Arizona rancher captured this Mexican wolf which was raising a family on public lands near his property.

The Mexican wolf, canis lupus baileyi, has historically inhabited the southwest states, yet Trump railed against wolf re-introduction efforts in Arizona, New Mexico and Texas while speaking at a rally.

“You’ve got these Mexican wolves and they’re taking the place of decent American wolves. We don’t know anything about these Mexican Wolves, they could have diseases or be genetically inferior. We need a ban on them until we find out what the hell is going on.”

This roused the crowd which broke into a chant of “Hey ho! Hey ho! Mexicans have got to go!”

Then Trump launched in to a bizarre analogy of illegal immigrants and Little Red Riding Hood.

“You have to look at the story of Red Riding Hood: the real moral of the story is that the Grandma and Little Red Riding Hood didn’t pay attention to the signs of the wolf being a wolf and then they were eaten. The liberals are just the same with illegal immigrants, they’re not realizing the obvious signs of danger until they become lunch for the wolf.”

Environmentalists ridiculed Trump’s proposed Mexican wolf ban along with his fantasized border wall as a disaster for wildlife.

Meanwhile the real fight took place between New Mexico and US federal agencies who battled in court for legal authority over the wolf re-introduction program.

GOP Promises To Spank Trump If He Abuses Nuclear Arsenal

Mitch McConnell and Paul Ryan say they will resort to corporal punishment if Donald Trump should ever abuse his access to the nations nuclear codes.

“I think a good old fashioned spanking or paddling would be in order,” McConnell said. “Donald Trump will know there are limits to what a president can do on his own.”

Paul Ryan concurred, saying to the bloviating billionaire, “Don’t make me have to take off this belt, mister.”

GOP leaders have assured the public and lawmakers that they will punish Donald Trump if he misuses the nations nuclear weapons.

The dust up started a week ago when the two GOP leaders told Trump to just ignore Kim Jon Un’s taunts toward the US. But when the North Korean dictator insulted The Don’s golf course in Ireland, Trump went ballistic and started asking about the nuclear codes.

Trump’s publicist said, “I don’t think Donald Trump is going to be deterred from carrying out his responsibilities by a spanking. There are things he can do: he could put a dinner plate in his pants like on Little Rascals; he could wear hockey pads under his pants. The point is he’ll do something so he won’t even feel a spanking.”

At a political rally Trump mesmerized the adulating masses when he told them how GOP elites are playing games with the country’s nuclear authorization codes.

“First they told me the Joint Chiefs had the codes, I checked with Snoop Dog and Chris Brown, and they knew nothing; and then they said Paul Ryan had them, honestly do these guys even know what’s going on? We can only hope they haven’t already given the codes to Lyin’ Ted or Crooked Hillary. OK?” The crowd booed at the mention of his rivals and the sound became a crescendo as he went on, “Because then we’re in real trouble, I can tell you that.”

Hillary Clinton was fierce in her criticism of Trump and the GOP, issuing this statement.

“It is inconceivable that the GOP is even considering letting Donald Trump take the reins of power, they want to hand over the most powerful office in the world to a tantrum throwing bully who doesn’t understand the consequences of his actions. But don’t worry folks, if he starts World War Three the Republican Party will make him sit in the corner so he understands his limits.”

interior of Trump's new church

Trump’s New Con: Trump Church Of Monetary Unification

Former presidential candidate Donald Trump might stumble but he never falls. In debt from his presidential bid and judgements from lawsuits over Trump University, the billionaire is moving on to his next business venture and redemption: The Trump Church Of Monetary Unification.

This reporter attended a Trump rally, ostensibly a worship meeting, at the Atrium in the Trump Towers. Trump roused the crowd as he talked about his new currency and took a poke at his former rival.

counterfeit Taj Majal casino chips
TrumpMarks are simply too easy to counterfeit: US Customs has already seized several shipments of fake Taj Majal chips coming from China.

“The TrumpMark is a really really strong currency, and it will be the choice for hard currency when Hillary finally crashes the economy.”

The SEC took a different view of TrumpMarks, and trading was halted after investors poured hundreds of millions of dollars into the currency only to see their value cut in half almost immediately when customers tried to cash in their chips (customers did literally receive chips from Trump’s failed casinos when they bought their TrumpMarks}.

When customers and TCMU churchgoers discovered that no sane person wanted to be paid in TrumpMarks, they tried to convert their TrumpMarks back to US currency. They were told by TCMU brokers that the TrumpMarks could be exchanged at only half of what they had paid for the new currency.

Another problem is that TrumpMarks are easy to counterfeit: US Customs has already intercepted several large shipments of counterfeit Taj Majal chips coming from China.

Congress is considering enacting new currency rules after a defiant Trump defended the practice of giving customers only half of their money back when they wanted to cash in their TrumpMarks for US dollars:

“They are getting the safety and security of owning a Trump brand. We have administrative costs to cover as well as the repair of the riot damage to Trump Towers. I can show you testimonial after testimonial of my churchgoers and people who have been happy to convert their money to TrumpMarks.”

interior of Trump's new church
Donald Trump spent 2.4 billion to renovate the Atrium at Trump Towers for his Trump Church of Monetary Unification.

Why the move to a church for someone who has never shown much interest in the Good Book? Trump hates to pay taxes and has payed little or no taxes in the last thirty years. He’s done this either by settling with state and federal agencies when sued for delinquent payment, or by gaming the system in his favor. By changing his organization to a church he will avoid having to pay most business taxes altogether.

Trump talked To Allan Smith about the decision to start a church in an interview with Business Insider.

“You don’t need Adam and Eve and you don’t have to talk Bible-y and stuff to be a church, and I’ve had all kinds of really good lawyers tell me this, if you have a sincere belief that money is God, that qualifies as a religion under US tax laws. You have to look at L. Ron: His publishing rights are worth a few million, but when he went to a church organization he was finally able to avoid taxes and accrue some net worth, and we’re talking hundreds of millions in a short time.”

Following in the example of L. Ron Hubbard’s Church Of Scientology, TCMU is offering financial auditing for those who want to be like Donald Trump. Smith questioned Trump about the services, and read some text taken from a TCMU brochure about the auditing:

“I’m reading here and I quote ‘These auditing services start at just a few thousand dollars. The auditing sessions help people reprogram their thinking and feelings towards money and to avoid doing the things that are keeping them poor.'”

Smith then asked The Don, “If people are giving their money to a billionaire’s church for questionable services, isn’t that one of the things that keeps those people from accumulating wealth?”

To which Trump simply said,”No, No Allen, I don’t thinks so.”