Carrot Top Declines FBI Director Job

The ideal candidate to lead the FBI has turned down the job, citing his gig in Las Vegas and the implosion of the Trump presidency as the reasons. But Washington insiders tell this reporter that Carrot Top, AKA Scott Thompson, felt slighted by Republicans who stymied his bid for Vice President after Trump won his parties nomination.

Comedian Carrot Top had his publicity people prepare the above graphic for this story.

Now it seems some of the same GOP members who thought Carrot Top was too lightweight for the VP job, now see him as the perfect easily controlled non-partisan candidate to head the FBI.

In Las Vegas, the beloved orange comedian used some of his props at his sold out show to address his brief foray into politics.

During part of his routine, he pulled out some orange baseball caps that were printed with “Make America Orange” and threw them out to a thrilled audience, while he said, “I won’t be needing these anymore.”

Then Thompson unfolded a T-shirt that said “Orange Is The New Stupid,” and threw some of those out to an even more frenzied audience.

As he held up a pair of sweatpants with Hillary Clinton’s face printed on the seat, Thompson explained to the raucous crowd:

“These are chastity pants for prison. Seriously, would you do anyone who was wearing these? I won’t need these either, so I’m sending them to the White House.”

Thompson spoke to this reporter after his show and explained his perspective on his nomination to head the FBI.

“People want to say I’m turning down the FBI job because I’m bitter about not being Trump’s VP, but nothing could be further from the truth: I’ve just realized I’m happy right where I’m at. I feel like I dodged a bullet by not getting the vice president job, just look at all the turmoil and investigations at the White House now. And besides, do you know what they do to gingers in prison?”

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Xrhonda Speaks

Xrhonda Speaks

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