After Mini Donald released emails implicating himself in the secret back channel pipeline of gravy from a certain fast food chain to Chris Christie’s Govorner’s mansion, White House aides have started a whisper campaign saying that Donald Jr. is not really the presidents son.
An anonymous source, who only wishes to be identified as Deep Scrote, explains why the inner circle has kept the cloning a secret till now.
“The fact that White House operators are talking at all about Jr. being a clone and therefore expendable in the eyes of the president, is a sign that they’re going to throw him under the bus in the GravyGate scandal, otherwise they would keep that a closely guarded secret.”
“Ivanka and Eric have nothing to worry about if they are his real kids—they’re probably not clones of the president at least.”
This reporter has previously written about the claims that aliens helped Donald Trump win the presidency—now—according to Deep Scrote, the same aliens made Donald a clone of himself in the form of Donald Jr.
“The president did not want his alien clone to be as tall or as good looking as himself and was very pleased with the modifications to his clone. But if he can push the blame for the email/meeting scandal on Donald Jr. he can just have the aliens make him another clone.”
As the world comes to grips with the possibility of alien created Trump cloning technology, scientists and theologians have begun the arguments over the ethical, scientific and social implication of the unfolding story.
Politicians have been reluctant to weigh in on the scandal, but when Donald Jr. not only shares the presidents looks, mannerisms and penchant for self incrimination (certainly out doing Mitt Romney’s calls for self deportation), even President Trump’s strongest supporters have been unable to refute the latest allegations, instead saying nothing illegal happened.
Sebastian Gorka in an oh-so-over-the-top sounding British accent did just that:
“There is nothing illegal at all about getting opposition research from space aliens or letting them make a clone for you, there is absolutely nothing illegal or unethical here.”
Senator John McCain (R-alzheimers) awoke from a narcoleptic slumber to decry vampirism in the White House (last months story) before his memory caught up to the present and he went back to sleep.
Trump defender Steve King (R-asshole) also spoke out in defense the President.
“Well the president’s been saying illegal aliens cost him the popular vote in the election, but if it turns out aliens actually helped him win and provided a clone for his own personal amusement, we should look at impeaching Hillary for not reporting it during the election campaign.”
For now the Trump family is playing along with the fiction that Donald Jr. is Big Donald’s son, but only time will tell how safe his position in the Trump family is as the question still remains as to what will happen to Donald Jr. in light of his self incriminating email dump.