Golden Showers, Orange Complexion: Donald Urine Trouble

Pissgate, as some are calling the US President’s first big scandal, may be the cause of the president’s orange face and skin color, not overuse of spray tan.

As creepy and hilarious as it sounds, the story started when Canadian super spy Jeb Madson assembled a credible dossier of claims by Russians that they are holding blackmail material on the president from a 2013 visit he made to Moscow.

“It’s like liquid sunshine, it’s a beautiful thing…”

The claims are that Trump hired a team of sex workers to help him maintain his “tan” while in Moscow for vacation: apparently the man who loves gold, also loves golden showers.

Trump and his surrogates were quick to pounce on the story claiming that there is no such person as Jeb Madson.

“The idea that there is even a Canadian super spy is ridiculous,” Trump spokesperson Kellyanne Conway reflexively snarked.

“Our research team can find no record of this person whose name is an anagram for James Bond, the name is obviously made up.”

In response the Canadian Department of Cryptography later released a statement saying Kellyanne Conway’s name is an anagram for Anna Kyle Clowney

Republicans have become very concerned over the story, and as Paul Ryan told the press on Friday, Ryan took the extraordinary step of referring President Trump for an appointment with his own dermatologist.

“These allegations, if true, mean that our President could have one of several severe skin conditions from his tanning process. I want to make sure he can get this cleared up and get on to the business of running our country ASAP.”

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Xrhonda Speaks

Xrhonda Speaks

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