Barrack Obama was knighted by the Jedi council and was enlisted in the fight against Donald Trump. Barrack Obama then proved his mettle by besting President Donald Trump in a mere two minute lightsaber fight.
Master Yoda explained the council’s decision to knight Obama (now known as Master Jedi Wani Ponono) and let him battle Darth Hirsutius (Trump).
“Though president he is no more, done his work is not.”
Wasn’t Obama just last week sinking into a peaceful and useless life as a Rastafari in Jamaica? True, he did manage to declare martial law while there.
So what motivated Obama to formally join the Jedi and take on Trump personally?
President Trump has accused Barrack Obama of all sorts of crimes like: faking his citizenship; committing dozens of felonies; and even committing treason.
Obama explained to CNN’s Jake Tapper why he stayed silent until President Trump called Obama’s mother a mudshark, a derogatory slang term for white women who date black men.
“President Trump crossed a bright red line when he insulted my mother and that’s why I finally called him out to a lightsaber duel.”
The fight was a let down but the crush of traffic to see the fight footage crashed YouTube’s servers twice this week. If you didn’t already see it, Trump actually had a few good chops, probably adapted from his golfing technique, but Obama quickly wore down Trump who had no stamina. Once Obama knocked Trump’s lightsaber out of his hand and singed his hair, Trump quickly gave up.
Neither of the combatants were injured, but a leaked report from the White House says that Trump’s handlers are busy re-configuring his comb-over to hide the singed area of hair.
Zealous Trump supporters are floating the idea that Trump’s loss was fake entertainment and that deep state CGI animators on Disney’s payroll, but loyal to Obama, faked the fights ending.
Obama took some heat from CNN’s Tapper for only singeing Trump’s hair after repeatedly saying Trump would face harsh consequences for crossing a line, but Obama stood by his actions.
“We had agreed beforehand to a submission match so once he gave up there was no use cutting off anybody’s hand just to make a point. But I’m sure Darth Hirsuty or whatever Trump calls himself, he’ll try and spin his loss into a win somehow.”
Indeed, Hirsutius (Trump) was soon bragging after the match.
“My boys, they are such evil geniuses: they made a beautiful deal when they bought the rights to the fight and with the YouTube and ESPN deals, they made a lot of money for one of my companies–they couldn’t ethically tell me how much, but they said the amount was huge because we’re talking the most watched fight in history.”