In a preview of what will be replacing Obamacare, Ivanka Trump rolled out the first prototype Trumpcare Wellness Center, in Flint, Michigan.
President Trump praised Ivanka while he was speaking at another anti-intelligence rally.
“I’m really proud of her, she came up with this initial idea of hiring mechanics and vets on her own, and you know how I love to help the vets.”
One of the first (human) patients to be treated at one of the new Trumpcare Centers is Bronco Taylor. Taylor waited with a goat and a couple of guinea pigs to see Trumpcare doctor/veterinarian Tiny Manos for a shoulder injury.
Taylor talked to this reporter about his first visit to a Trumpcare facility.
“Well it was kind of funny, they called my name and were looking for a horse, I had to tell them that Bronco really is my name. The assistant took me to one of the stalls and in a couple of minutes the doctor was right out.”
“I told her about the pain in my shoulder, see I was playing touch football with my boys, and fell right on it. She had me get down on all fours and stomp around a bit and go over my range of motion. Then she gave me some horse tranquilizers and said I could go home.”
When asked to compare his treatment to Obamacare, Taylor admitted that he never signed up because he thought it was too expensive, though he would have certainly qualified for subsidies to help pay for it.
“But look, I was able to walk in and be seen and treated in about 15 minutes, and hey those pills are making me feel way better already… Um, and it only cost $185, so all the way around I would say I’m ahead of Obamacare.”
Other patients were not so impressed with Trumpcare. Ima Steenburgen of Gunnison, Colorado, had not had a health screening in ten years since she was covered under her parents insurance.
“I heard from a friend that it was really inexpensive so I signed up and they sent me to an auto mechanic for a gynecological exam.”
Things only got worse from there according to Steenburgen.
“As soon as I walked in, this guy in greasy overalls grabs my crotch and says to undress and get it up on the rack, I guess he was the doctor. So I’m looking around and there are no robes and there’s no curtains around the lift, I just walked the hell out of there. I’m healthy as far as I know, but what if I really needed to see the doctor? This Trumpcare thing is really horrible, I heard Obamacare was better before they repealed it.”
Trump apologist Kellyanne Conway lambasted the media for the critical coverage when she talked to CNN’s Anderson Cooper.
“The media is seizing on a few bad stories to discredit the Trumpcare plan. What’s important here is we come together as a country with healthcare for all, and we can iron out the kinks as we go, something the democrats were never willing to do with Obamacare.”
To spur enrollment in Trump’s namesake program, instead of fines, those who do not sign up for Trumpcare will be forced to watch hours of the new Apprentice show with Arnold Schwarzenegger.